Seeker

Sometimes it's helpful to look back. To see how far you have come. To recognize common mistakes in a current life lesson. For me the safest way to do this is to read old journals. Sometimes they call to me. So I skim or read for hours - either way I find the common thread I was looking for. One thing I noticed this last time, is that I have always been a seeker. But I used to want to label it - Witch, Pagan, Mystic.

I don't need to put a lable on who I am. Over the past few years I have grown to accept mySelf. In doing so, I know mySelf better than I have ever before. I'm looking forward to getting to know this girl better. This girl who is now a woman. This woman who is finally comfortable referring to herSelf as such. This human being and doing. Accepting the feminine and masculine aspects of mySelf. Loving the light and the dark. Sharing my truth...

1993:

"I will sleep with the haunted and never know reality. There are no graves here."

1994:

"I only seek freedom under my skin and beneath my feet."

1995:

"I am ice crying out for rain. Keep the chains tight, its time for pain."

1996:

"I fell down to the sky, try remembering why. You sit in my stare and watch as I fly."

1997:

"The darkness sighs deeply, impending the frantic sounds of dusk."

1998:

"Here is where we brought fate. Here I made my own mistakes."

1999:

As Autumn melts flowers competing for the sun. The blossoming of my existance has only just begun."

2000:

"So sweet it seemed when we first kissed. So strangely real that it was not strange."

2001:

"Head pounding, heart sinking. Fearing once again for my sweet lost soul.

2002:

"Eyes, once so innocent - turned to wild panicked dread. Red from tears. From all these years, so hard and long. Give me back."

2003:

"Its so lonely being this girl. So cold in this world. Soft warm breath, melts me into you. Smells sweet, like danger. I hide, its how this girl survives. My core cannot be destroyed when inside is not out."

2004:

"So haggered and weak. Nothing like the strong fisted Athena in my mind. Yet ever so slightly the same. Same heart, same will, same sence of destiny for the lost voices. Inside it is still alive, a force so strong it can change everyones lives. So powerfull, it scares me. So wild and out of this world."

2005:

"Armed with secrets and lies, I talk my way into the room. Its you that I want to get next to."

2006:

"How deep are the woods, and how dark will it get before I find a way out? Will I ever be what I've chosen to be? Or will I just build a nest in the middle of this sleep, deep dark woods."

2007:

"My pillow smells of smoke, booze and skin. And something wilder - almost out of time. There is a time to keep it up and a time to keep it in. And I wonder if I will ever know what it means to be made of you but not enough for you."

...and so the light and the dark were joined for awhile. Just long enough for them to remember that their purpose was not to hate each other, but to love the other. Simply because they were not each other...

Find your way <3 Jess